I am..

So lost...

Questions, confusion, and sorrow

I have so many questions right now that I don't know where to start. I just want to cry more than anything. And cry I have in the last 24 hours. It has been so hard not to ask WHY,GOD?????

I read a blog today about moving on. There comes a time in life where it has to be done.  However, that doesn't mean it is easy...and it doesn't mean it is right. Moving on may be a part of life or it may be because of the actions of one or both people.  I make mistakes. Huge ones. And sometimes I don't know what part is the mistake. But there is one thing I know. When I love, I love deeply. I don't throw that word around easily. Just so you know.

I lost someone very close to me last night. This man...was my mentor...was my rock in some of the most trying times of my life. He was my biggest champion. He was my pastor in every sense of the word. The thought of having to face the rest of this life without him is more than I can handle right now.

I realized I am truly alone.

New Job

So I have had 2 days on my new job and so far it is boring lol.  However, we are just in orientation right now.  The last few days have been very hard on me for other reasons also. But one foot in from on the other and one day at a time. That is all I can do. 

--Brokenhearted

Dreams

So this is a dream I have chased since I was 12 years old. Tomorrow I finally realize the first step in that journey. I am so very excited and so very nervous. I love ALL my friends and family that have helped me in any way to get to this point.

Heartbroken

Something that pisses me off:  Just because I choose my family over my friends - no matter how much I love you - does NOT mean I love you any less.  You have been my best friend for 5 years and you will always be.  End of story. I am sorry you can not accept what I have to offer but I do understand.  You know where I am always.

Decisions

What do you do when you have to choose between your friends and your life and your family...family always comes first...and it is killing me...

Mysterious

I think I have shocked a few people the last few days with my blog but that is okay. It is just for me and just for those that I choose to show it to. Which means those that are not going to judge me and are not going to turn away from me becuase of my lifestyles.

A few months ago I went to tell someone I was very close to - at the time - the truth here. I told her that I had to tell her something. And the first words out of her mouth was "If you tell me you are bisexual, I will never speak to you again." Nice friend, huh? 

However, there comes a time in your life while you are not ready to tell everyone there is someone that you have to tell.  I knew that I could tell my best  friend for sure.  It just took me a while to get there...but I tell her everything eventually.

Today I officially became a professional.  I can't start my career off with this hanging over my head. I also can't tell anywhere where I live beause I would love everything and everyone including my family. I don't have that many people left in my life as it is. I can't afford to lose anyone else.