Been a while

Well, I figured I would give this a go again. I just feel like I am whining all the time but I keep so much inside of me that I feel like I am going to explode.

I don't know who I am anymore.  I don't know what is right and wrong anymore.  Everything just seems so confusing. I am trying so hard to change my life. In the direction I once was. The direction I want to be again. How did I get from who I was to who I am?? How did I get so off track?? When did I stop knowing right from wrong?? The questions are there but the answers are not.  I just know where I want to be again.  I want to stop pretending and actually be that person again.

I lost a whole boat load of friends in the last few months due to some decisions I made.  Some of them I really miss.  Well one of them anyways. And I found out today that she has cancer. I have cried all afternoon simply because I don't know if her physical body is strong enough to go through what is coming in the next few weeks and/or months.

I miss being able to pick up the phone and text another friend any time I want to. I have made so many mistakes and hurt her so many times that it isn't even funny.  Yet when something happens during the day I still want to tell her about it.

I am waiting to hear if I got into RN school.  The school keeps lying to us about when the letters have/will go out.  I am just anxious all the time about that.  But in time I guess.  Just ready to get the next process rolling so I can move on to the next chapter of my life.